Who would win in a fight?

Excuse me sir, I just had a question about your comic books.

All right, shoot.

Who would win in a fight, Spider-man or Mr. Fantastic?

Dude, SPIDER-MAN. Spiderman could beat Mr Fantastic with one hand juggling three flaming chainsaws and a live baby.

Okay, who would win in a fight, Batman or Superman?

Well it depends on if Batman has time to plan.

Whose wedding would be better, Batman’s or Superman’s? 

Well it depends if Batman has time to plan.

Who would win in a fight, Wonder Woman or Iron Man?

Dude, that’s just an innapropriate question. You can’t ask me to pit a marvel character against a character from DC. It’s unethical.

Who would win in a fight, Green Lantern or Green arrow?

Easy, Green Lantern. Green Lantern could beat green arrow with one hand tied behind his back.

Who would win in a fight, She-Hulk or severe depression?

SHEEEEE-HULK. Dude. She-Hulk could suppress the feelings of loathing and self-doubt with one hand wiping away existential tears.

Who would win in a fight, Cyclops or heroin addiction?

Man, Cyclops could beat heroin addiction with one arm tied.

Okay, last one: Who would win in a fight, your desire to show off your comic-book knowledge or your awareness of when some dude’s distracting you while nine of his friends are unloading your entire stockroom into their van?

Hmm, thats- wait, what?