How not to get booked on a comedy show

Okay, a little backstory, then we can get into the funniest facebook conversation I’ve had in a while:

I recently took over hosting and organizing duties for a booked comedy show from another comedian. The manager told me that, before me, one other person had approached him and asked if he could be the new host. He asked me to make sure to give this guy a spot on my first show.

I’d never heard of this person before. Here’s what the manager told me about him:

1. He’d done comedy in Busan (a nearby city) for a while
2. He was trying to get involved in the Seoul standup scene, but was encountering a really cliquey, non-inclusive attitude from everybody and hadn’t been able to do a single show

I was really surprised by this as I’ve found the comedy community here nothing but welcoming. I reached out to this dude and the following facebook conversation ensued:

A little bit aggressive for someone who’s trying to get a spot on my show. I agree that my show is not at all like SNL, SNL is a sketch show after all. But like SNL, I’d like to know people before I give them a spot.

At this point in the conversation, I messaged a comedian buddy of mine in Busan and asked if he could tell me anything about this guy. He’d never heard of him, and when he asked around none of the other Busan comedians had heard of him either. I thought that was weird

If I had to guess, I think what happened was he misrepresented himself to the bar manager. “I could host your comedy show. I’ve performed a lot in Busan.” He just didn’t mention that they were music performances, not comedy ones.

Admittedly, I did switch up what I told him. First I implied he could do fifteen minutes if he wanted. He messaged me the next day telling me how long his two jokes were, and I asked him to cut it down to eight minutes.

I guess I had just been walking around worried about this guy and when he told me how long his two jokes were, I panicked and cut him down to 8 minutes (which is still pretty reasonable for someone’s first comedy show). Also I felt like he was being a dick and I wanted to ASSERT MY AUTHORITY.

Here’s where things got weird:

“circle your wagons around each other”? Is that something people say? Is it a reference to the old west? What does he even mean?

Is he trying to call me out for being part of the world’s lamest conspiracy? I feel like Buzz Aldrin getting yelled at by someone who believes the moon landings were fabricated.

I probably should have stopped talking to him at this point (or earlier) but I really felt like I was clearly being reasonable and I just wanted him to agree with me.

That was my last message to him. He had a lot more to say, however:

I didn’t realize being chosen to host a show over someone else is a “party foul.” What kind of weird frat house keggers did this guy go to? “OHHHHH DUUUUUDE DID YOU JUST SAY ‘YES’ TO HOSTING A SHOW THAT ANOTHER DUDE WANTED TO DO?!? YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP!”

Anyway, that’s the whole thing. I was hoping he’d be at the show the next day so I could talk to him, but he was nowhere to be seen. In all seriousness, I’d definitely give him a spot if he asked me again. What could be funnier than a comedian with a persecution complex and sever anger management issues who hates my guts to begin with?

Sidenote- can you believe this guy’s been married for an entire YEAR?!?!