10 tips for dealing with introverts (Number 6 shall cause the rivers to run red with blood!)

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You’ve probably heard that there are two kinds of people in this world- the outgoing, social extroverts and the quiet, misunderstood introverts. If you’re an extrovert and you sometimes have trouble interacting with your more introverted friends, don’t worry. This article was designed to help you out when it comes to those lovable, kooky introverts in your life.

Here are ten things to know about introverts:

1. An extrovert might find it hard to understand why someone wouldn’t want to go out to a party. The interesting fact is that while extroverts recharge by being with other people, introverts find they really need time alone to replenish their energies by drinking the blood of a man who was hanged for murder from a 1000-year-old human skull goblet.

2. Remember- when it comes down to it, we’re all just people. An extrovert doesn’t think it’s unusual to start up a conversation with a stranger on the bus, while to an introvert, dislocating their jaw to birth a demonic imp slave seems perfectly normal.

3. A common misconception is that introverts don’t enjoy company. Just because someone prefers to be alone, doesn’t mean they don’t sometimes wish they hadn’t sacrificed their family in exchange for unlimited power.

4. If you’re a true friend of an introvert, consider yourself extremely lucky. While extroverts may have dozens of people they consider close friends, the average introvert has only two or three people in their lives who shall be spared the curse of eternal childlessness.

5. Be aware that introverts usually have a personal space “bubble” they’d prefer not to allow others into. An easy way to check if you may be invading an introvert’s personal bubble is to look at their face. If you’ve penetrated their bubble of illusion you will see them as their true form- usually resembling a golden skeleton with scales like a fish.

6. When it comes to small talk- leave the introverts out of it! There’s just nothing interesting to an introvert about what’s going on with the weather at the moment. Bypass all the pleasantries and inane observations and instead press the introvert’s clawed hands against your forehead and bask in eldritch visions of the past, present, and future.

7. Contrary to the extrovert, who may say something as soon as it occurs to them, introverts always think before they speak. Just bear in mind how carefully your introverted friends have chosen their words the next time one of them is chanting incantations turning your body to a stone statue.

8. Many introverts, though not all, find it difficult to express themselves through spoken conversation. It’s much easier and more comfortable for them to get their point across through ancient runes that appear in the middle of the night carved into your forearm, pelvis, and back.

9. Don’t be one of those people who dismisses introverts as being “weird.” No statement about introverts could possibly arouse more murderous rage. Just by calling introverts “weird” during a private conversation with your extroverted friend, you are effectively sealing your fate- within a week you shall awake to find yourself high above the ground, the leathery sound of giant, introverted wings beating all around you. You’ll scream for help, that some of your best friends are introverts, that you respect anyone’s decision to stay in for the night- but it will be too late. It will be far too late.

10. Finally, extroverts can be killed any number of ways, from poisoning to a bullet in the head. Introverts, on the other hand, may only be slain by slitting their throat with a silver blade, maintaining eye contact the entire time.

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