The confused misogynist comedian


Women, am I right? Probably my LEAST favourite gender. Man, I get into all sorts of dumb arguments with my girl.

The other day she busts out this gem- “I love you!”

And so I’m all like “I love you MORE!”

And then she’s all “I love you the MOST!”

Whoa, what the NUTsack? That’s not fair! How am I supposed to love her more than “the most?” There’s no way for me to articulate to this set of holes how important she is to me! I only want to crush one puss the rest of my life and it’s her, how do I make her understand that? Dumb broad, I love her so much.

But that’s chicks for ya. Fellas, you ever get this one? “Oh my God, like, we can’t have sex right now because I’m on my period.”

Now hold on just a cock minute, are you telling me that I can’t get my DICK on because you’re bleeding out of your PUSS-hole?! That is BULLSHIT! I don’t care who you are, you have got to agree it is total bullshit that women have always got to shoulder that biological burden alone. That is totally one sided!

You know what I think we should do? All right ladies, cover your ears, this part’s just for the guys in the audience. Girls, I’m serious- this is man talk. It’s not meant for delicate lady ears.

All right, to the fellas in the audience: I think these chicks of ours have had this coming for a loooong time. Tomorrow morning, how about all us dudes give the special doll in our life breakfast in bed. That’ll show those ditzy dames how much we appreciate all the things they do for us!

Have you noticed the clothing ladies are wearing these days? I was on my way here and I see this broad wearing this little tiny skirt. Jesus phallic imagery Christ it was nice. That’s the kind of clothes I like to see a girl wearing, because when you see a woman walking down the street wearing clothes like that, you know what she wants. She’s askin’ for it. Yeah, just BEGGIN’ for a woman’s right to wear any outfit she likes without fear of being labeled.

That’s where these modern women belong, eh? In the kitchen of social change.

This has been “The Confused Misogynist Comedian.” He’s confused about being a misogynist, and he’s also confused about being a comedian: he doesn’t really have punchlines, he just abruptly becomes sincere.