Understand how to topple a government from within? Have an Egyptian obelisk hidden on your property? Still sometimes forget where you put your keys? THIS LIST IS FOR YOU.
1. What will happen to this on June 5 2099:
Spoiler alert: New World Order.
2. That awkward feeling when you wear the wrong colour robe to a secret ceremony
Because being the only black robe in a sea of red isn’t uncomfortable at all
3. When you accidentally pronounce it “Inumi-latte”
Would you like your secret society venti-sized?
4. Why the lower class as a whole can never acheive true success
And why the false hope that they could is the glue that holds all society together
5. Why THIS:
had to happen in order to get THIS:
Level 53 members know what I’m talking about
6. The location of all the giant sun lamps in the whitehouse
All my 17-foot-tall shapeshifting Reptilians know that the whitehouse’s artificial sun lamp game is on POINT
7. Stepping out of the pressurized chamber below the Supreme Court and finding out the shadow government is all out of coffee
Please don’t ask me to orchestrate world affairs before I’ve had my morning caffeine!!!
8. How awesome Track 5 off Jay-Z and Beyonce’s secret album is
9. How and why Kate Middleton’s REAL baby must be raised in a Russian paramilitary training camp
How crazy is it going to be when the whole world appears to be controlled by a man named Igor?
10. Why hearing “Fancy” by Iggy Azalea always makes you think of THIS
You already know.
11. The third part of Neil armstrong’s “one small step” quote and what it has to do with lizards
12. Why Osama Bin Laden owes EVERYTHING to THIS
He got the best of both worlds.
13. Who the next twelve U.S. presidents will be, and why the thirteenth one will be the last ever
14. How to tell the difference between a homeless person…
and one of THESE
One asks for change, the other brings change upon all who fail to recognize his power.
15. What THESE MOVIES were created to prime humanity for
And why all zombie fans should have a certain day in 2034 marked on their calendars!
16. Realizing there’s toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your sceptre
Why did you even take that thing into the bathroom with you?!