SCENE ONE: EXT. FRAT HOUSE – NIGHT
A stereotypical frat house at a university. An athletic YOUNG MAN rings the doorbell. The door opens, revealing another athletic YOUNG MAN, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. A wild party rages behind him.
YOUNG MAN #2:
Yoooo, sup dog? You ready to party?
The first young man holds up a pack of cigarettes.
YOUNG MAN #1:
All night long, bro! Let’s get LAID tonight!
SCENE TWO: INT. FRAT HOUSE – NIGHT
Two teams of young coeds stand on either end of a long table. Cigarettes are arranged, standing upright, in triangle formations. One GUY throws a ping pong ball which knocks over one of the cigarettes.
A member of the other team picks up the fallen cigarette, raises it to his lips, and lights it, sucking it back hard.
EVERYONE AT THE PARTY:
SMOKE! SMOKE! SMOKE! S-
SCENE THREE: INT. FRAT HOUSE GARAGE- NIGHT
It’s a garage, but it’s more of a hangout space. Two YOUNG WOMAN sit on a well-cushioned couch, almost sinking into it. One takes a long drag on a cigarette and passes it to the other, holding the cigarette smoke in her lungs.
YOUNG WOMAN #1:
(lungs full of smoke)
Ohhhhhhhhhh my god…
YOUNG WOMAN #2:
This is some PREMIUM tobacco right here.
The first young woman exhales all at once while laughing.
SCENE FOUR: EXT: FRAT HOUSE, NIGHT
Two young men and two young woman stand outside the back of the house. Behind them is a dark forest.
YOUNG WOMAN #3:
This party is the lamest thing ever.
YOUNG MAN #3:
I know. Smoke pong is such a dumb game.
YOUNG MAN #4:
You guys want to have some real fun?
He pulls out a plastic ziploc bag from a backpack. With a flourish, he holds it up to display its contents: some bent up cigarettes.
YOUNG WOMAN #4:
Oh man, are those-?
You bet. What do you say we munch down a couple of these and just go explore the woods? Who’s up for an adventure?
The rest nod and express their agreement, each reaching into the bag.
YOUNG WOMAN #3:
How much should I take? Is one full one too much for my first time?
TITLE: Cigarettes: The most boring drug.
TITLE: If you’re going to do drugs, at least do drugs that are fun.