A hypeman gets a gig at a convention for people with severe social anxiety


AAAAAAALL RIGHT! Y’all must be staring at your watch to avoid conversation because Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!


That’s right, if you’re in the mood to party then YOU’RE AT THE WRONG PARTY! Because I’ve been informed this party is strictly for people who suffer from debilitating social anxiety. AWWWWW YEAAAAAH!

If you prefer TIME alone with your THOUGHTS- MAKE some NOOOOOOOOooooiiiiiiiiiiiiise!

YEAH! YEAH! Put your hands up! Put your hands up! If you’re terrified of looking stupid in public put your hands up!

Uh! YEAH! If you’re going to dissect this moment later put your hands up!

YEAH! OH! If you’re averting eye contact right now put your hands up!

YEAH! Uh! If you hate audience participation put your hands up! HA-haaa! OH-KAY!

When i say “heyooo,” you look away and pretend you didn’t hear me!



I need a new manager. That much is clear.