In South Korea, porn is illegal

I recently moved into a really Korean neighbourhood: Seoul. When I do stand up comedy here, a lot of my jokes are about living in Seoul, and when I leave Korea I won’t be able to do them anymore. I’ll post a few of them on this blog so at least they’ll still be available to someone out there.

When I lived in Canada, people would say, “James, you like the internet huh?” And I’d say “I love the internet,” and they’d say “Well if you love the internet, move to South Korea, it’s the world’s most wired country, best internet ever.” Then I got to Korea, and they said “Aaaaaand there’s no porn here.” Well, that’s kind of what I loved about the internet.

Porn’s illegal here in all forms, so you won’t find any at the convenience store and they’ve done their best to stop you from getting at it online. I realized pretty quickly that all the mainstream porn websites are blocked, but all the crazy fetish ones are still up. The porn I look at has gotten a lot more consistently weird. I’m into feet now, I guess.

I have no proof of this but I’ll bet that per capita South Korea consumes more deviant fetish porn than the average country. I wonder what the people in charge of attempting to block off porn would think about this.

I was complaining about this whole thing to my girlfriend: “Hey look at this! It sucks- any time I try to look at porn I just get this angry blue screen with white Korean letters across it.”

She said “That’s terrible, if only there were some way you could have an orgasm without looking at pornographywqeas.”

“I know, right? You really understand me.”

So a couple of weeks after that, I realized “Wait a minute- I could just have sex with my girlfriend! I’m a genius!” So I took off her pants, but she was wearing these blue panties with these angry white Korean letters across them… and a lock on the top… I’ll tell you what didn’t have a lock on it though: her socks.

So I guess I’m into feet now.