Cerebral diarrhea II

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Music

Bob Marley once said “One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain.” Which makes sense to me. Music is a lot like an abusive ghost

I’d like to one day be in a situation where BeyoncĂ© is helping me make a sandwich, so i could say “okay BeyoncĂ©, I’m ready for your jelly.”

Drugs

People sometimes think I do coke, but I actually only grow my pinky finger long for picking my nose. More shameful and less badass at the same time.

Racism

I wouldn’t say I’m “white girl wasted” right now, but I’m probably “black girl high.”

I saw a black girl the other day with blonde dreadlocks. When are black people going to stop stealing white culture and using it as a fashion statement?

In response to those last jokes, I’d like to say that I am not a racist. In fact, some of my closest friends are other racially tolerant white people.

Inappropriate subject matter

The Japanese word for “no” is pronounced like “yeah,” which, for me, completely ruins Japanese rape porn.

You know, the majority of rapes are committed not by strangers but by people close to the victim. So when my girlfriend called me at 3am to let me know she was getting a ride home from her friend Chad, I told her “actually I’d feel more comfortable if you could find a stranger to drive you home.” It’s like she doesn’t understand statistics or something.

Dance like nobody’s watching. Write blog posts like rape it’s socially acceptable to joke about rape.

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